Airport security is located in the wrong places. We don’t need protection from little old ladies with explosives hidden in their orthopedic shoes. If the name of the game is getting to our destination alive, then how about placing impenetrable security barriers between us and those ubiquitous Cinnabon stands? According to the June 1996 Nutrition Action, one cinnabon contains an astonishing 34 grams of fat, 14 of them saturated or trans. That’s the equivalent, they say, of a Big Mac plus a hot fudge sundae. Oh yes, and 670 calories.
So how can the Cinnabon people possibly make a biohazard out of what is essentially flour and water? I’ve been told on good authority that first they tried adding stolen plutonium, but then some evil genius figured out they could create the same effect with obscene quantities of margarine and cream cheese and sugar. The beauty of this diabolical scheme is all these ingredients are legal.
I whip up quick batches of cinnamon buns out of leftover bread dough or pizza dough. One taste and you will think you have sinned, but you won’t have to worry about squaring your accounts with St. Peter anytime soon.
McMan’s Sinful Cinnamon Rolls
Dissolve a packet of dry yeast and a teaspoon of sugar into a cup and a quarter of warm water (about 100 degrees F).
Mix together two cups each all purpose flour and bread flour (you can experiment with the ratios to suit your taste). Add a bit of salt and a quarter cup of canola oil. By now the yeast mixture should be starting to foam. Add this to the flour and stir with a wooden spoon till you have a reasonably coherent mass of sticky gloop.
Turn out the gloop onto a floured surface and start kneading, folding over and rotating for about five minutes, incorporating flour from the surface, until you have a slightly springy ball of flubber. Pour a tiny amount of oil into a mixing bowl, then drop in the flubber, creased side up, and flip over to make sure the entire surface is coated. The creased side should stay down. Cover the bowl with Glad Wrap and a dish towel and set aside for an hour or slightly more in a draft-free place.
You have two options when your flubber doubles in size. You can punch down the dough for a second rise (30 to 45 minutes), or you can get cracking immediately. Either way, after one rise or two, plop down the dough on a floured surface and cut in half. Save one half for a pizza or bread or another batch of buns (the dough will keep in the fridge tightly sealed a day or two).
Roll out the other half of your dough with a rolling pin until you have a ¼ inch-thick rectangle approximating the dimensions of a sheet of paper, perhaps a bit larger. Now comes the butter or margarine stage. This is where the Cinnabon people play fast and loose with your life. We only need enough to spread on the dough. You don’t have to be stingy, but let’s not get ridiculous, either. Less than a quarter cup is more than enough. Go with light butter or yogurt-based margarine. That way you’re getting no transfats and only one or two grams of sat fat per tablespoon.
So how can the Cinnabon people possibly make a biohazard out of what is essentially flour and water? I’ve been told on good authority that first they tried adding stolen plutonium, but then some evil genius figured out they could create the same effect with obscene quantities of margarine and cream cheese and sugar. The beauty of this diabolical scheme is all these ingredients are legal.
I whip up quick batches of cinnamon buns out of leftover bread dough or pizza dough. One taste and you will think you have sinned, but you won’t have to worry about squaring your accounts with St. Peter anytime soon.
McMan’s Sinful Cinnamon Rolls
Dissolve a packet of dry yeast and a teaspoon of sugar into a cup and a quarter of warm water (about 100 degrees F).
Mix together two cups each all purpose flour and bread flour (you can experiment with the ratios to suit your taste). Add a bit of salt and a quarter cup of canola oil. By now the yeast mixture should be starting to foam. Add this to the flour and stir with a wooden spoon till you have a reasonably coherent mass of sticky gloop.
Turn out the gloop onto a floured surface and start kneading, folding over and rotating for about five minutes, incorporating flour from the surface, until you have a slightly springy ball of flubber. Pour a tiny amount of oil into a mixing bowl, then drop in the flubber, creased side up, and flip over to make sure the entire surface is coated. The creased side should stay down. Cover the bowl with Glad Wrap and a dish towel and set aside for an hour or slightly more in a draft-free place.
You have two options when your flubber doubles in size. You can punch down the dough for a second rise (30 to 45 minutes), or you can get cracking immediately. Either way, after one rise or two, plop down the dough on a floured surface and cut in half. Save one half for a pizza or bread or another batch of buns (the dough will keep in the fridge tightly sealed a day or two).
Roll out the other half of your dough with a rolling pin until you have a ¼ inch-thick rectangle approximating the dimensions of a sheet of paper, perhaps a bit larger. Now comes the butter or margarine stage. This is where the Cinnabon people play fast and loose with your life. We only need enough to spread on the dough. You don’t have to be stingy, but let’s not get ridiculous, either. Less than a quarter cup is more than enough. Go with light butter or yogurt-based margarine. That way you’re getting no transfats and only one or two grams of sat fat per tablespoon.
